What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 03:02
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I will be 64.
We were not on the streets..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
SpaceX launches Starlink satellites to orbit on 70th Falcon 9 flight of the year (photos) - Space
My life is so biszare .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We all went to grammer schools
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Sly Stone: Funk Revolutionary - The Free Press
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
How do flat Earthers explain the existence of other spherical planets?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
What was the craziest place that you had sex with someone in public?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why did my ex move on so fast, we have only been broken up for 2 weeks?
My family never makes their pension either.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
All the time i was locked up.
6 Ways You Can Control Microplastics From Getting Into Your Food - HuffPost
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Blocking Brain Inflammation Molecule May Halt Alzheimer’s - Neuroscience News
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Put me off passion for life!!
What defines the k'vanna of the Book of בראשית?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why do you think it is bad to allow people to self-identify as a different gender?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When she asked me how she looked .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
F1's Canadian GP will clash with the Indy 500 every five years - Motorsport.com
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I write beautiful poetry .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Do you have any opinion on Japanese writer/actor Yukio Mishima?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But, we were locked up after school.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im still living with it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was scared of men, in general
Ive learnt so much.
I could never make a relationship work though!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i lived it daily.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What did i know ?
She was in good health!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I never cut or harmed myself..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I couldn’t, believe it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She loved him until the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was 9 years of age.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was very sick at this time too.
I think the readers, may guess!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Comes on , in middle age.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is soul school!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So, i spoilt her more .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Who then, do I blame.?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I said to her
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I have no regrets .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was seconnd youngest,
She married twice! .
So whats the point in blame.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She wouldn,t have been !
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Would this be the day?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
(And it was in our own minds.)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One cannot live in the past .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i do to all so called friends.?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She found it foreign!.
But it wasn’t much.
I waited trembling.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It was going to be , some day.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He knew the spot.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I don,t even have a pension.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!